


Overtime

by orphan_account



Category: Squidbillies
Genre: Humor, Ink, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-10
Updated: 2014-03-10
Packaged: 2018-01-15 06:55:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,122
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1295638
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dan Halen wants a challenge, and what's more challenging than Early?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Overtime

Dan Halen was bored.  It was early afternoon on a Thursday, and Dan had, he realized, always hated Thursdays.  All of his current nefarious plots were running smoothly, and he declared to himself that nefarious plots were decidedly tedious once they were out of the planning stage and delegated out to middle management.  His employees were going about their jobs with a remarkable mediocrity, and while he _could_ have beaten them for no good reason, it just wasn't as much fun as when he had some minor infraction to which he could viciously overreact.  There hadn't even been any law suits that week.

What he needed, Dan decided as he stood before his picture window, staring down at the ground far below him, was a challenge.  Something he'd never done before. . . but what?  Successfully conquering the world and bringing the global economy to its knees was always an option, but world domination just took too damn long, plus it would require more micro-managing than he felt like dealing with at the moment.

"No," Dan growled, pounding one of his fists into his other hand, "I want _results_.  I want excitement; I want instant gratification!  I want. . . ugh, something to make me stop talking to myself before I go crazy!"  He shook himself a little and started back to his desk then paused.  His monologue had given him an idea, for he only knew of one area that without fail brought him results, excitement, _and_ instant gratification.

"I've got to fuck someone!" Dan declared aloud before realizing that he was _still_ talking to himself.  _Dammit_.

Okay, so sex was the answer, but that raised _another_ question: sex with whom?  That was where the "something he'd never done before" part caused problems considering the things he'd. . . uh, _done_ ran the gamut from women to men to plants to inanimate objects.  You just couldn't live as long as Dan had without experimenting some-- well, a _lot_ in the attempt to find something that could still excite you.  And lately the attempts had been pretty damn disappointing.  It didn't help that the area wasn't exactly overflowing with desirable entities.

_But I'm not going to find anyone to bang sitting alone in my office_ , Dan decided, remembering not to speak aloud to himself this time.  _I might as well get started looking for something worth getting it up over._

He left his office and started for the elevator, but a strange noise from the copy room arrested him.  He heard the sound of the copier, yes, but there was another noise as well: a sort of twangy maniacal laughter punctuated every now and then with a "Woo!"

Dan's eyes narrowed.  " _Early_ ," he muttered.  He considered just ignoring whatever Early Cuyler was doing and going on his way, but then he remembered that nine-tenths of what the squid did on the job cost him, Dan, money, not to mention sanity.  Dan turned on his heel and stalked into the copy room, prepared for the worst.

Early was sprawled on top of the copying machine, its lid up as he pressed against the glass.  The copier's photosensor raced back and forth under the glass, lighting the squid's delighted grin over and over as the machine spat out dozens of images of his underside.  Early apparently found this highly amusing, as the "Woo!"s testified.

"Stop that!" Dan roared, stomping over and jabbing the "cancel" button.  As he did, he noticed that he had stopped the machine on copy 42 of 999.  "Do you have any idea how much ink costs?!" Dan bellowed at the now sullen squid. 

"I know better'n you do, considerin' where the ink comes from!" Early retorted.  Still, he jumped off the copier and slunk out the door, muttering something about "Xerox Nazis" as he went.  Dan scowled after him and scooped up the stack of wasted paper the machine had produced.  As he went to dump the stack in the trash, he glanced down at the top sheet then paused.

Dan had never seen a squid underside before, and he certainly had never felt any lack because of it.  Yet as he absently studied the mass of arms and suckers, something occurred to him: he had never _fucked_ a squid either.  And judging from what he saw on the photocopy in his hand, it was an entirely possible venture.

"That's it!" Dan cried, not even caring about talking to himself anymore.  He left the copy room, still carrying Early's photocopies, and returned to his office.  It was an insane plan, but it _was_ something unique, and he certainly wasn't bored anymore.  After all, he now had the task of finding a squid to screw.

Dan pulled up his computer's database on the county's population (quite handy for finding victi-- test subjects) and searched the "species" field for "squid."  He frowned at the results, although he had pretty much expected them: the Cuyler clan were the only squids in the area, so unless he wanted to wait on an imported sex partner to arrive, he had four choices.

Lil, the younger female, was the rather obvious option considering her gender and habits, but the thought of getting anywhere near that tacky hair made Dan cringe.  The other woman, the old one, would probably be plenty willing too, from what Dan knew of her, but Jesus _Christ_ , how desperate would he have to be?

So that left the two males: the kid. . . and Early.  _Do the kid,_ Dan's higher thought processes immediately commanded.  There _would_ be a certain amount of irony in it considering what excellent pedo bait Rusty had been that time, and besides, look at the alternative.

And that was when Dan made the mistake of doing just that.  His eyes fell again on the image of Early's underside.  There would be irony in banging Rusty, but what about the irony of fucking the ornery, homophobic, constantly-driving-Dan-to-the-point-of-insanity Early?  Despite the vocal protests of those higher thought processes, Dan's _lower_ thought process was beginning to like the idea as he imagined Early squawking and struggling, all those suckers and tentacles moving against him as--

Dan cut off that thought, still intellectually disgusted by the idea, but he knew it was too late.  In fact, he was already wondering just how to get into Early's metaphorical pants when the squid seemed to be completely straight.  Knock him out?  There wasn't any challenge in _that_.  Get him drunk?  Even less challenge there.  No, Dan decided, he wanted Early fully conscious for the act-- and, he suddenly realized, he wanted Early _willing_.  What fun would it be to rape Early, after all, if Dan could instead experience the triumph of getting Early to _agree_ to it?

Finally, he decided to get Early the same way Dan got most things: bribery.    _Yes, I'll pay him_ , Dan plotted.  _It should be easy enough to arrange; I'm his boss after all._   And then, as if providence were smiling down on his scheme, the entire plan fell into place in Dan's mind.

He shoved Early's photocopies into a drawer and jabbed the intercom button  on his desk.  "Send Cuyler in here now!"

"Who?" was the response.

"Cuyler!  Early Cuyler."

". . . who?"

Dan gritted his teeth.  "Early.  The one in the hat.  The one who's probably drunk.   . . . _The one who's a bloody **squid**!_ "  
  
"Oh, him.  Yes sir."

Dan was already having his first misgivings by the time Early came slithering into his office-- seeing the squid in person, right-side up and watching Dan vacuously while he chewed on something unidentifiable, was a little different from thinking of him in the abstract.  Still, Dan made up his mind that he was going through with it.

"I need you to work overtime," Dan announced.

Early continued to stare up at him from under his hat.  "When?"

"Tonight."

"Then why'd you say over time?"  Early made a derisive noise.  "Dumbass."

"What?  . . . you moron, I said _overtime_ , not over _time_ ," growled Dan.  "I mean I need you to stay after work tonight for an hour."

"Nunh unh, no way."  Early folded two of his arms across what served as his chest.  "Rasslin's on tonight."

"I'll pay you time and a half," Dan wheedled.

"Hunh?"

Dan gritted his teeth, beginning to regret the whole enterprise.  "I'll pay you _extra_.  What do I pay you now?"

"Min'num wage."

"Oh, that's right, I gave you that raise.  Hmm, so that's. . . I'd give you nine dollars for working an extra hour tonight."

Early looked intrigued, but then his resolve seemed to harden, and he shook his head empathically.  "Nope.  I ain't missin' rasslin' for no nine dollars."

His refusal made Dan more determined than ever.  "All right, I'll pay you _double_."  Early blinked and unfolded his arms.  "That's thirteen dollars," Dan added for emphasis, although he wondered if Early could count that high.

"Wa-llll. . . ." the squid pondered, then finally agreed.  ". . . aight.  Thirteen dollars."

"Excellent-- come back here at five.  And remember," Dan added quickly, "this is a verbal contract, so if you don't show up, I can legally have you killed."

"Eh, whatever.  I'll be here fer thirteen dollars."

**\--**

Dan spent the rest of the afternoon alternately wondering if he were making a mistake and researching squid reproductive systems.  He had noticed, upon continued examination of Early's photocopy, that Early was lacking in the anatomical department: specifically, unless it was hidden somewhere, he didn't have a cock.  However, thanks to the magic of Google and Wikipedia, in a couple of hours Dan had learned more about squid sex than he had ever wanted to know.  For instance, Early's species was apparently one of a group which had modified arms instead of penii.  This meant that one of Early's arms, which was even now probably moving across Dan's nice clean floors, was grooved for the purpose of shoving packets of sperm up into unfortunate females.  (Dan took one look at an image of such a spermatophore and closed his browser, deciding that he already knew more than enough about how Early got off.)

By the end of the day, Dan had managed to get most of his resolve back despite his new-found knowledge, and he grew more and more impatient as five o'clock neared then passed.  He was almost convinced that Early wasn't going to show up-- maybe just to call his bluff on the death threat-- when his office door swung open and Early lurched in.

"Close the door," Dan ordered; even though the building was probably vacated by then, he wasn't going to take chances.

Early obeyed then crawled to the middle of the room, in front of Dan's desk.  "So whaddya want me to do on this-here timeover?"

" _Overtime_!"

"'Cos if it's what I do durin' the day, I do that outside, behind the dumpster in the parkin' lot."  Early paused thoughtfully.  "'Less it's rainin'.  Then I go in the bathroom an' put the out a' order sign on that last stall an'--"

" _No_!" Dan growled.  "I'm not paying you double for _that_."

"Well, what then?" Early snapped.  "What're we gonna do?  I ain't got all night!"

Dan clenched his fists, trying to control his temper enough to refrain from killing the impertinent little bastard.  Somehow Early always managed to piss him off more than anyone else ever could.

"I'll tell you what we're going to do," he snarled.  "I'm going to fuck you!"  To hell with being subtle about it.  It wasn't like Early's reaction mattered at this point, anyway-- the building was empty, and Dan could have it on lockdown with the push of a button.  There was no way the squid could escape.

All this flashed through Dan's mind. . . until he realized that Early wasn't trying to escape at all.  In fact, he was just sitting there, staring up at Dan with his usual vacant, deadpan stare, chewing absently.  Dan blinked.

"T'ain't nothin'," Early said reasonably.

"Uh. . . what?"

"Yer The Man, and The Man's always fuckin' over the folks.  Just like that O'Reilly feller on the _tee_ vee's always sayin'," declared Early.  
  
"You imbecile, I didn't say I was going to fuck you _over_ ," Dan fumed.  Of all the sentient squids in the world, why did he have to pick _this_ idiot?  "I said I was going to _fuck you_.  _Literally_."

"Litter what?"  
  
Dan shoved his chair back from the desk and got up, moving around it to glare down at Early from barely a foot away.  "I'm going to put my dick in you, moron!"

That finally got through.  Early's eyes widened and he scrabbled backward on his arms.  "You gonna _what_ \--?!  _Hell_ naw, I ain't no queer!"

Now, Dan decided, was the time to put his full persuasive powers into play.  Meaning, in this case, his money.

"I said I'd pay you double!  Think of all the liquor you can buy with that thirteen dollars!  . . . before taxes," Dan added with a mumble.

Early slowed his conniptions as he wavered at the promise of money.  "But. . . but I ain't. . . ."  He stared up at Dan, then broke into a wide smirk.  "Hell," he blurted out, "what'm I worried about anyhow?  You ain't even _got_ a dick."

"I do _so_!" Dan snarled through gritted teeth.  "How many times do I have to tell you people, it's retractable!  And for that matter-- you don't have one yourself!"

Early gave him an affronted look.  "H-how you know that?!"  He gave a little hop, moving forward again for the purpose of jabbing an arm at Dan accusingly.  "You been watchin' me, ain't you, you pervert--"

"You Xeroxed your underside and left it on the copier, for God's sake!" Dan said in exasperation.  "It was kind of hard to miss."

". . . . oh."  Early averted his eyes sullenly.  "Well, yer still a pervert faggot to look.  And I still don't believe you got nothin'."

Dan couldn't let that challenge go unanswered.  It was time to. . . un-retract.  "Oh?" he sneered.  "Do you call _this--_ "  He paused, not for dramatic purposes but because the un-retracting was a rather awkward process.  "Uh, just a moment."

He turned his back to Early for a couple tense moments of struggling, then spun around to face the squid again.  "--nothing?!" he crowed in a triumphant finish.

"What'n hell are you--"  Early trailed off.  ". . . did you just put on one a' them strap-on deals, or is that. . . _real_?"

"Oh, it's real!" Dan boasted.

"Hell, you ain't puttin' _that_ nowhere _near_ me!" Early screeched, scrambling backward even faster than the first time, tangling a couple of his arms in the process.  "You couldn't buy me 'nough liquor to _ever_ let you stick that thing up my ass!  . . . not with no thirteen dollars, anyway."

The squid started for the door, but Dan pounced on him, managing to grab a couple arms before Early could reach the exit.

"I'm through negotiating!" Dan panted as he dragged Early back towards his desk.  "You agreed to work overtime, and you're going to do it!"

Early tried to pull away, grasping at the floor with his front arms, but Dan lifted him up by the ones in his grip.  Early squirmed, dangling in front of him with his head towards the door and his underside facing Dan, who stared at it in some discomfiture.  He had expected to be repulsed once he finally saw his, well, target in person-- and the fact that he _wasn't_ repulsed was what made him uncomfortable.  The writhing squid, in fact, looked. . . fuckable.

"Put me down!" Early squawked, squirming his arms and twitching the suckers that dotted them.  Dan's gaze fixed on the suckers as he imagined what they would feel like moving like that on his own skin.  The thought actually made him start to get hard.

"Thirteen dollars, Early," Dan muttered, lifting him even higher and pulling his arms farther apart as he ogled the suckers.  "And I won't tell anyone that you have _this_ instead of a dick."  He let go of the arm in his right hand and gripped one closer to Early's front instead-- the one slightly larger than the others, which Dan could now tell was the modified one.

" _L-let go of that!_ " gasped Early, squirming more wildly than ever.

"You see, I've learned something about your. . . anatomy," Dan went on, unperturbed, as he squeezed the arm slightly.  "Just think about it for a minute.  How many times have _you_ gotten to have sex in the past, oh, twenty years?"

Early rolled his eyes and opened his mouth.

"Where you didn't have to pay for it," Dan interrupted.

Early frowned, thought for a minute, then opened his mouth again.

"And where your partner didn't laugh at you for not having. . . standard equipment."

Frown.  Squint.

" _And_ where she satisfied. . . this."  Dan gave his modified arm another squeeze.

Early's eyes widened slightly.

Dan waited.

"One," Early finally muttered, his voice barely audible.

"One," Dan repeated significantly.  "So in all that time, you've found _one_ person who accepted it?"

"Uh, well. . . ."  Early scratched the back of his head self-consciously with one of his free arms.  "I can't rightly say she _ax-cepted_ it. . . seein' as how Rusty came as such a su-prise and all, she prolly didn't even notice, but--"  He broke off and twisted to look back at Dan belligerently.  "Damn you, it ain't none of yer business no-how!"

Dan gave a self-satisfied smile as he looked down into the squid's glaring eyes.  He hadn't intended to take this tack at all-- but damned if it weren't working beautifully.

"Early, who else is going to pay _you_ for it, for a change. . . and who else is going to do _this_?"  He held Early up by the arm in his left hand and began slowly pumping the modified arm with his right.

Early's blue-green face flushed and the glare vanished from his widening eyes.  "Don't _do_ tha-- nnngh!"  He turned his face away from Dan, now dangling limply from one arm, motionless except for a slightly trembling of his suckers. . . until he began to thrust his modified arm in and out of Dan's fist.

Dan immediately clamped his fist down around the arm.  "Well?"

" _Damn_ you, go on an' bone me!" Early cried.  "Jest don't stop doin' _that_!"

Dan couldn't resist a crow of victory.  He had (as usual) gotten what he wanted: he was going to fuck Early Cuyler, and he had gotten Early to _agree_ to it.  (In the back of Dan's mind, there was the nagging thought that fucking Early Cuyler was not exactly the acme of evil genius, but hey, not _all_ plans could be brilliant.)

He leaned back against the front of his desk, bracing himself as he pressed the squid to his groin.  Once he felt the sensation of those suckers against his skin, he barely remembered to start pumping Early's arm again.  Each sucker moved separately from all the others, pulling at the flesh of his abdomen, cock, and scrawny legs as Early squirmed against him nervously.  One thing was for sure; this _was_ going to be a very unique experience.

Dan ground his cock against Early's underside, first experimentally then with more force and a stifled groan.  Early gave an affronted squawk on which he choked as Dan pulled hard on his arm, massaging the squirming appendage between his fingertips.  The squid's protests faded back to moans; the sound of his usually petulant twang being reduced to desperate whimpers made Dan's stiffening cock go almost fully hard.  He was driving Early crazy, and it was payback for the years Early had spent pissing Dan off with his stupidity, his constant frustration of Dan's schemes, his persistence in surviving any- and everything Dan threw at him.

That's when it struck Dan: _that_ was why he wanted to fuck Early.  It was for revenge-- and of all the copious amounts of revenge Dan had taken on others over the years, this was going to be the sweetest.  With a triumphant moan, he tried to thrust into Early, only to be met with surprising resistance as the squid tensed up apprehensively.

"Relax!" Dan growled, tugging on Early's arms in an attempt to spread them.  He finally resorted to catching the tip of the modified one in his teeth in order to grasp a third one in his right hand, enabling him to expose the squid's underside completely.  Early gasped as Dan bit down on his arm then he groaned and tried to thrust it deeper into Dan's mouth.

"Mmpgh!" Dan protested; giving a blowjob (or the equivalent, anyway) to Early wasn't part of the plan.  It made him far too submissive, indicated a loss of control. . . and felt entirely too good; the sensation of the arm's suckers on his tongue was exquisite.  Dan moaned around the arm, probing the suckers tentatively with his tongue as he felt Early's underside relax against him.

Oh well, he didn't get this far in life without being adaptable.  Trying not to think about where the arm might have been, Dan sucked on it harder as he thrust against the squid once more.  This time, between Early's distraction and the growing amount of Dan's precum, there was hardly any resistance at all, and he felt the head of his cock sink into the squid's body.

"Nnngh!" Early groaned, tensing around Dan before relaxing again and driving his arm even farther into Dan's mouth.  For an instant, Dan was distracted from that by the feeling of Early around him: hot and slick and tighter than he ever would have imagined.  But then Early gave another, harder thrust with his arm, and Dan gagged, his eyes watering as the arm's tip hit the back of his throat.  That made Dan forget all about the bliss his cock was experiencing; he drew his head back and bit down on the arm to prevent Early from choking him with it.  Early squealed at the bite, his arm twitching in Dan's mouth and his body contracting around the head of his cock.

_You're **my** bitch,_ Dan thought as he gripped the two arms harder in his hands. _Not the other way around!_   To punctuate the unvoiced declaration, he thrust deeper into the squid, feeling Early's body give way as Dan's shaft disappeared into it.  Early moaned and squirmed as he was impaled, drawing away from Dan as much as the grip on his arms would allow-- then, to Dan's amazement, gripping Halen's sides with his free arms and pulling himself closer again, taking Dan's cock deeper.

Early _liked_ it.  Dan's mouth twisted into a grin around the squid's arm, and he thrust his hips forward, burying the rest of his cock into Early's body.  Early gave another wordless cry, clenching up around the length of Dan's cock in a vice-like grip then relaxing slightly.  The two arms on Dan's sides pushed back against him then tightened their hold again, moving Early up and down on Dan's cock.

It felt incredible.  Dan gripped Early's arms and used them to tug him farther away then pull him sharply back as Dan rocked his hips forward, plunging deep into Early's body.  He repeated the motion in time to Early's own efforts, resulting after a moment in an almost-perfect rhythm.  Early tried to thrust his modified arm in Dan's mouth, managing to push it in another inch until Dan clamped his teeth down on it even harder.  The squid gave a sharp groan and thrashed the tip of his arm in Dan's mouth instead as Dan sucked on it.

Dan braced his back against the desk as they moved faster and harder, until Early was nearly a blue-green blur giving Dan's cock what was quite possibly the greatest pleasure of his considerably long life.  Nothing before had ever felt quite so tight yet so yielding, so intensely hot, so. . . so wet.  Glancing down, Dan saw the cause of that last sensation: ink was leaking from Early's body, running down Dan's shaft whenever it emerged and dripping onto his rather expensive flooring.  _Dammit,_ he thought distantly, then shoved the concern out of his mind for the time being.  The hot, moist sensation of the ink inside Early, along with the liquid sound it made as Dan fucked him, was well worth the trouble of cleaning up afterwards.

Dan clenched his fists over the two arms he held and plowed Early as forcefully as he could, reveling in the squid's moans and completely unaware that he was moaning just as loudly.  The two arms at Dan's sides gripped him tightly, and he felt another curl itself around his leg as Early used it to propel himself up and down on Dan's cock.  Early seemed to have an almost unending supply of arms, for after a moment, Dan was aware of two more tangling in his hair, tugging on it sharply.

If Early could pull, Dan decided, so could he.  He yanked on the arms in his hands, pulling them as far apart as he could and spreading Early's underside so that Dan could see every motion of his cock as it moved in and out of the squid's body.  He was distracted by that intriguing sight for a moment before he jerked his head back as well, pulling hard on Early's modified arm and digging his teeth into it.

"Awww _fuck_ yeah!" Early screeched abruptly, his whole body shuddering as his suckers suddenly wrenched at the flesh on Dan's side and legs.  The squid then pulled Dan's hair so hard, Halen's eyes watered a second time.  He bit down even harder in response and slammed his cock deep into Early's body.  Early seemed to get tighter and tighter, riding Dan and yanking his hair almost frantically while Dan took him.  Dan finally realized why when Early began to shudder and the arm in Dan's mouth throbbed.

"Nnngh, y-you-- fuckin'  sonuvva bitch--" Early groaned through his teeth as he clamped down around Dan's cock.  "Y-you're gonna make me--"  
  
Dan drew back until all but the head of his cock emerged from Early's underside.  He lifted his teeth from Early's arm just long enough to roar, " _Do it!_ ", then he bit down again and drove back in until his shaft was completely buried again.

Early gave a wordless shriek and clenched around Dan again, this time not letting up as he shuddered against Halen's abdomen.  His arm twitched then after a moment, Dan found his mouth flooded with something wet but vaguely solid at the center-- not ordinary cum, he realized, but what must be lubricant-coated spermatophores.  Dan might have had time to be disgusted if his cock hadn't been about to explode; as it was, he spit the mess to one side and bit down on Early's arm again.  He could barely move his cock inside the tight grip of Early's spasming body, but he managed a few more short thrusts, fucking Early through his orgasm.  His efforts in combination with the bite to the squid's arm earned him another squeal from Early followed by an even harder clench around his cock.

"A-aahh!" Dan moaned in ecstasy around Early's arm as his cock throbbed in the squid's body.  Dan gripped Early's other arms and twitched his hips forward a final time as he started to come in the hardest orgasm he could ever remember feeling.  The world around him dimmed, and he was aware of nothing, not even the arm now twitching limply in his mouth, except for the feeling of Early quivering around his cock as he shot into the squid's body.  Dan's whole body shook with each wave of his orgasm, punctuated with sharp moans that only became audible to him as the climax faded and the reality of the situation sank in.

He, Dan Halen, had just fucked Early Cuyler.

He had come harder than ever before in his life, moaning like something out of a bad porno, no less.

And unless he wanted everyone in the county to find out about it, he would have to clean up the ungodly mess on the floor himself.

Dan slumped back against his desk, breathing heavily as he pulled Early off of his softening cock.  As Dan pulled out, a torrent of mixed ink and cum spilled onto the floor, making him groan inwardly.  _Next time, I'm getting some rubber sheets,_ he thought then promptly dropped Early's arms out of suddenly numb hands .  _"Next time"?  What the fuck am I thinking?_

"Shit!" Early swore, catching himself by Dan's hair before he hit the ground.  "Least you could do is set me down nice.  I ain't gonna be able to walk right fer a week as it is!"  He braced himself on Dan's stomach-- dripping ink and cum on it in the process-- and twisted around to glare up at Halen belligerently.

"Get off," Dan growled, shoving at Early.  The squid glowered at him and hopped down, landing on the wet floor with a painful-sounding smack.

" _Owww_ , motherfuck!" Early groaned, rubbing at his underside with an arm.

"And clean yourself up before you leave the building!" Dan snapped.  "If anyone sees you like this--"

"I ain't gonna let no one see me," Early retorted.  "They'd think I's one a' them hom-o-sex'uls or somethin'."  He stared up at Dan, back to his usual flat-lidded expression.  "So where's my thirteen dollars?"

Dan grumbled and turned away from him, wondering bleakly if there were a mop in the vicinity.  "You'll get your paycheck at the end of the week, just like always," he muttered.  There were no absorbent cleaning products to be hand, so he resorted to wiping himself off with a handful of tissues and leaving the rest for later.  
  
"Wait jest a minute; you didn't say nothin' about waitin' 'til the end of no week!" Early snapped, squelching a couple feet towards Dan and leaving a fading trail of ink in his wake.  "I want my money _now,_ or else I ain't workin' overtime fer you _no more_."

"You moronic cephalopod, I never said I'd give it to you tonight--"  Dan broke off as he considered Early's words.  He slowly turned back to face the squid once more (after retracting himself-- no sense in being unnecessarily immodest).  

". . . You mean you're willing to. . . work overtime in the future?" Dan asked, looking down at Early suspiciously.

The squid's eyes widened slightly as if he hadn't really considered the import of his threat, then he averted them.  "Uh. . . yeah."  The mistrustful gaze returned to Dan as Early added grumpily, " _If_ 'n you pay me this here overtime ever' time.   'Cos I ain't no faggot or nothin'."

_No, you just come when I blow you and put my dick in you_ , Dan thought, some of his earlier smugness returning.

"All right, fine, I'll pay you now," he said aloud, turning away from Early and going around his desk to rummage in the drawer.  He found a twenty and returned to the squid, holding it out.  "Here."

Early looked at it warily, then back up at Dan.  "You said it ain't but thirteen.  Is this one a' them cash advances where you gimme money now, an' I'm s'posed to pay it back later, only you charge me fifty _per-_ cent int'rest, but I don't care 'cos I ain't gon' never pay it back no-how?"

"No, it's. . . I don't have change," Dan grumbled.  "Just take it."  _So I guess this officially makes Early Cuyler my whore,_ Dan thought as Early darted out an arm and snatched the bill away.  The very perversity of the realization made it appealing.

"Woo!" Early whooped after grabbing the money, giving his usual celebratory hop in the air.  He started for the door but paused and looked back at Dan when he reached it.  "Hey, I gotta come in tomorrah?  This-here overtime done wore me out; I deserve a day off!"

"Yes, you have to come in tomorrow!" Dan snapped.  "My products aren't going to test themselves, you know!"

Early glowered at him.  "You damn well tested yer product on me enough already!"  And then, to Dan's amazement, the corner of the squid's mouth twitched in a half-grin.  "It works purty well."  He reached up an arm to open the door then squelched out, slamming it behind him.

Dan trudged around his desk and slumped down in his chair.  He was physically exhausted, leading him to decide that it would be easier to go pick (and later kill) a Sheriff to clean up the mess than to do it himself.  _I'll tell him it was a crime scene_ , Dan decided, leaning back and closing his eyes.

Then he remembered the stack of photocopies in his desk drawer.  Grumbling, Dan sat up again and pulled them out then heaved himself to his feet.  Giving the pool of liquid on the floor a wide berth, he went into the copy room and dropped the stack in the trash can-- but only after setting the top copy aside.  He looked at it a moment, then folded it up and carried it with him as he walked thoughtfully towards the elevator.

_This might prove useful some day_ , Dan thought as he rode to the ground floor and left the building on his way to the Sheriff patch.  Who knew when he might need blackmail material on Early, especially if the squid continued. . . working overtime.

At any rate, Dan doubted he'd be getting bored again anytime soon.

\--

The End

Dan Halen was bored.  It was early afternoon on a Thursday, and Dan had, he realized, always hated Thursdays.  All of his current nefarious plots were running smoothly, and he declared to himself that nefarious plots were decidedly tedious once they were out of the planning stage and delegated out to middle management.  His employees were going about their jobs with a remarkable mediocrity, and while he _could_ have beaten them for no good reason, it just wasn't as much fun as when he had some minor infraction to which he could viciously overreact.  There hadn't even been any law suits that week.

What he needed, Dan decided as he stood before his picture window, staring down at the ground far below him, was a challenge.  Something he'd never done before. . . but what?  Successfully conquering the world and bringing the global economy to its knees was always an option, but world domination just took too damn long, plus it would require more micro-managing than he felt like dealing with at the moment.

"No," Dan growled, pounding one of his fists into his other hand, "I want _results_.  I want excitement; I want instant gratification!  I want. . . ugh, something to make me stop talking to myself before I go crazy!"  He shook himself a little and started back to his desk then paused.  His monologue had given him an idea, for he only knew of one area that without fail brought him results, excitement, _and_ instant gratification.

"I've got to fuck someone!" Dan declared aloud before realizing that he was _still_ talking to himself.  _Dammit_.

Okay, so sex was the answer, but that raised _another_ question: sex with whom?  That was where the "something he'd never done before" part caused problems considering the things he'd. . . uh, _done_ ran the gamut from women to men to plants to inanimate objects.  You just couldn't live as long as Dan had without experimenting some-- well, a _lot_ in the attempt to find something that could still excite you.  And lately the attempts had been pretty damn disappointing.  It didn't help that the area wasn't exactly overflowing with desirable entities.

_But I'm not going to find anyone to bang sitting alone in my office_ , Dan decided, remembering not to speak aloud to himself this time.  _I might as well get started looking for something worth getting it up over._

He left his office and started for the elevator, but a strange noise from the copy room arrested him.  He heard the sound of the copier, yes, but there was another noise as well: a sort of twangy maniacal laughter punctuated every now and then with a "Woo!"

Dan's eyes narrowed.  " _Early_ ," he muttered.  He considered just ignoring whatever Early Cuyler was doing and going on his way, but then he remembered that nine-tenths of what the squid did on the job cost him, Dan, money, not to mention sanity.  Dan turned on his heel and stalked into the copy room, prepared for the worst.

Early was sprawled on top of the copying machine, its lid up as he pressed against the glass.  The copier's photosensor raced back and forth under the glass, lighting the squid's delighted grin over and over as the machine spat out dozens of images of his underside.  Early apparently found this highly amusing, as the "Woo!"s testified.

"Stop that!" Dan roared, stomping over and jabbing the "cancel" button.  As he did, he noticed that he had stopped the machine on copy 42 of 999.  "Do you have any idea how much ink costs?!" Dan bellowed at the now sullen squid. 

"I know better'n you do, considerin' where the ink comes from!" Early retorted.  Still, he jumped off the copier and slunk out the door, muttering something about "Xerox Nazis" as he went.  Dan scowled after him and scooped up the stack of wasted paper the machine had produced.  As he went to dump the stack in the trash, he glanced down at the top sheet then paused.

Dan had never seen a squid underside before, and he certainly had never felt any lack because of it.  Yet as he absently studied the mass of arms and suckers, something occurred to him: he had never _fucked_ a squid either.  And judging from what he saw on the photocopy in his hand, it was an entirely possible venture.

"That's it!" Dan cried, not even caring about talking to himself anymore.  He left the copy room, still carrying Early's photocopies, and returned to his office.  It was an insane plan, but it _was_ something unique, and he certainly wasn't bored anymore.  After all, he now had the task of finding a squid to screw.

Dan pulled up his computer's database on the county's population (quite handy for finding victi-- test subjects) and searched the "species" field for "squid."  He frowned at the results, although he had pretty much expected them: the Cuyler clan were the only squids in the area, so unless he wanted to wait on an imported sex partner to arrive, he had four choices.

Lil, the younger female, was the rather obvious option considering her gender and habits, but the thought of getting anywhere near that tacky hair made Dan cringe.  The other woman, the old one, would probably be plenty willing too, from what Dan knew of her, but Jesus _Christ_ , how desperate would he have to be?

So that left the two males: the kid. . . and Early.  _Do the kid,_ Dan's higher thought processes immediately commanded.  There _would_ be a certain amount of irony in it considering what excellent pedo bait Rusty had been that time, and besides, look at the alternative.

And that was when Dan made the mistake of doing just that.  His eyes fell again on the image of Early's underside.  There would be irony in banging Rusty, but what about the irony of fucking the ornery, homophobic, constantly-driving-Dan-to-the-point-of-insanity Early?  Despite the vocal protests of those higher thought processes, Dan's _lower_ thought process was beginning to like the idea as he imagined Early squawking and struggling, all those suckers and tentacles moving against him as--

Dan cut off that thought, still intellectually disgusted by the idea, but he knew it was too late.  In fact, he was already wondering just how to get into Early's metaphorical pants when the squid seemed to be completely straight.  Knock him out?  There wasn't any challenge in _that_.  Get him drunk?  Even less challenge there.  No, Dan decided, he wanted Early fully conscious for the act-- and, he suddenly realized, he wanted Early _willing_.  What fun would it be to rape Early, after all, if Dan could instead experience the triumph of getting Early to _agree_ to it?

Finally, he decided to get Early the same way Dan got most things: bribery.    _Yes, I'll pay him_ , Dan plotted.  _It should be easy enough to arrange; I'm his boss after all._   And then, as if providence were smiling down on his scheme, the entire plan fell into place in Dan's mind.

He shoved Early's photocopies into a drawer and jabbed the intercom button  on his desk.  "Send Cuyler in here now!"

"Who?" was the response.

"Cuyler!  Early Cuyler."

". . . who?"

Dan gritted his teeth.  "Early.  The one in the hat.  The one who's probably drunk.   . . . _The one who's a bloody **squid**!_ "  
  
"Oh, him.  Yes sir."

Dan was already having his first misgivings by the time Early came slithering into his office-- seeing the squid in person, right-side up and watching Dan vacuously while he chewed on something unidentifiable, was a little different from thinking of him in the abstract.  Still, Dan made up his mind that he was going through with it.

"I need you to work overtime," Dan announced.

Early continued to stare up at him from under his hat.  "When?"

"Tonight."

"Then why'd you say over time?"  Early made a derisive noise.  "Dumbass."

"What?  . . . you moron, I said _overtime_ , not over _time_ ," growled Dan.  "I mean I need you to stay after work tonight for an hour."

"Nunh unh, no way."  Early folded two of his arms across what served as his chest.  "Rasslin's on tonight."

"I'll pay you time and a half," Dan wheedled.

"Hunh?"

Dan gritted his teeth, beginning to regret the whole enterprise.  "I'll pay you _extra_.  What do I pay you now?"

"Min'num wage."

"Oh, that's right, I gave you that raise.  Hmm, so that's. . . I'd give you nine dollars for working an extra hour tonight."

Early looked intrigued, but then his resolve seemed to harden, and he shook his head empathically.  "Nope.  I ain't missin' rasslin' for no nine dollars."

His refusal made Dan more determined than ever.  "All right, I'll pay you _double_."  Early blinked and unfolded his arms.  "That's thirteen dollars," Dan added for emphasis, although he wondered if Early could count that high.

"Wa-llll. . . ." the squid pondered, then finally agreed.  ". . . aight.  Thirteen dollars."

"Excellent-- come back here at five.  And remember," Dan added quickly, "this is a verbal contract, so if you don't show up, I can legally have you killed."

"Eh, whatever.  I'll be here fer thirteen dollars."

**\--**

Dan spent the rest of the afternoon alternately wondering if he were making a mistake and researching squid reproductive systems.  He had noticed, upon continued examination of Early's photocopy, that Early was lacking in the anatomical department: specifically, unless it was hidden somewhere, he didn't have a cock.  However, thanks to the magic of Google and Wikipedia, in a couple of hours Dan had learned more about squid sex than he had ever wanted to know.  For instance, Early's species was apparently one of a group which had modified arms instead of penii.  This meant that one of Early's arms, which was even now probably moving across Dan's nice clean floors, was grooved for the purpose of shoving packets of sperm up into unfortunate females.  (Dan took one look at an image of such a spermatophore and closed his browser, deciding that he already knew more than enough about how Early got off.)

By the end of the day, Dan had managed to get most of his resolve back despite his new-found knowledge, and he grew more and more impatient as five o'clock neared then passed.  He was almost convinced that Early wasn't going to show up-- maybe just to call his bluff on the death threat-- when his office door swung open and Early lurched in.

"Close the door," Dan ordered; even though the building was probably vacated by then, he wasn't going to take chances.

Early obeyed then crawled to the middle of the room, in front of Dan's desk.  "So whaddya want me to do on this-here timeover?"

" _Overtime_!"

"'Cos if it's what I do durin' the day, I do that outside, behind the dumpster in the parkin' lot."  Early paused thoughtfully.  "'Less it's rainin'.  Then I go in the bathroom an' put the out a' order sign on that last stall an'--"

" _No_!" Dan growled.  "I'm not paying you double for _that_."

"Well, what then?" Early snapped.  "What're we gonna do?  I ain't got all night!"

Dan clenched his fists, trying to control his temper enough to refrain from killing the impertinent little bastard.  Somehow Early always managed to piss him off more than anyone else ever could.

"I'll tell you what we're going to do," he snarled.  "I'm going to fuck you!"  To hell with being subtle about it.  It wasn't like Early's reaction mattered at this point, anyway-- the building was empty, and Dan could have it on lockdown with the push of a button.  There was no way the squid could escape.

All this flashed through Dan's mind. . . until he realized that Early wasn't trying to escape at all.  In fact, he was just sitting there, staring up at Dan with his usual vacant, deadpan stare, chewing absently.  Dan blinked.

"T'ain't nothin'," Early said reasonably.

"Uh. . . what?"

"Yer The Man, and The Man's always fuckin' over the folks.  Just like that O'Reilly feller on the _tee_ vee's always sayin'," declared Early.  
  
"You imbecile, I didn't say I was going to fuck you _over_ ," Dan fumed.  Of all the sentient squids in the world, why did he have to pick _this_ idiot?  "I said I was going to _fuck you_.  _Literally_."

"Litter what?"  
  
Dan shoved his chair back from the desk and got up, moving around it to glare down at Early from barely a foot away.  "I'm going to put my dick in you, moron!"

That finally got through.  Early's eyes widened and he scrabbled backward on his arms.  "You gonna _what_ \--?!  _Hell_ naw, I ain't no queer!"

Now, Dan decided, was the time to put his full persuasive powers into play.  Meaning, in this case, his money.

"I said I'd pay you double!  Think of all the liquor you can buy with that thirteen dollars!  . . . before taxes," Dan added with a mumble.

Early slowed his conniptions as he wavered at the promise of money.  "But. . . but I ain't. . . ."  He stared up at Dan, then broke into a wide smirk.  "Hell," he blurted out, "what'm I worried about anyhow?  You ain't even _got_ a dick."

"I do _so_!" Dan snarled through gritted teeth.  "How many times do I have to tell you people, it's retractable!  And for that matter-- you don't have one yourself!"

Early gave him an affronted look.  "H-how you know that?!"  He gave a little hop, moving forward again for the purpose of jabbing an arm at Dan accusingly.  "You been watchin' me, ain't you, you pervert--"

"You Xeroxed your underside and left it on the copier, for God's sake!" Dan said in exasperation.  "It was kind of hard to miss."

". . . . oh."  Early averted his eyes sullenly.  "Well, yer still a pervert faggot to look.  And I still don't believe you got nothin'."

Dan couldn't let that challenge go unanswered.  It was time to. . . un-retract.  "Oh?" he sneered.  "Do you call _this--_ "  He paused, not for dramatic purposes but because the un-retracting was a rather awkward process.  "Uh, just a moment."

He turned his back to Early for a couple tense moments of struggling, then spun around to face the squid again.  "--nothing?!" he crowed in a triumphant finish.

"What'n hell are you--"  Early trailed off.  ". . . did you just put on one a' them strap-on deals, or is that. . . _real_?"

"Oh, it's real!" Dan boasted.

"Hell, you ain't puttin' _that_ nowhere _near_ me!" Early screeched, scrambling backward even faster than the first time, tangling a couple of his arms in the process.  "You couldn't buy me 'nough liquor to _ever_ let you stick that thing up my ass!  . . . not with no thirteen dollars, anyway."

The squid started for the door, but Dan pounced on him, managing to grab a couple arms before Early could reach the exit.

"I'm through negotiating!" Dan panted as he dragged Early back towards his desk.  "You agreed to work overtime, and you're going to do it!"

Early tried to pull away, grasping at the floor with his front arms, but Dan lifted him up by the ones in his grip.  Early squirmed, dangling in front of him with his head towards the door and his underside facing Dan, who stared at it in some discomfiture.  He had expected to be repulsed once he finally saw his, well, target in person-- and the fact that he _wasn't_ repulsed was what made him uncomfortable.  The writhing squid, in fact, looked. . . fuckable.

"Put me down!" Early squawked, squirming his arms and twitching the suckers that dotted them.  Dan's gaze fixed on the suckers as he imagined what they would feel like moving like that on his own skin.  The thought actually made him start to get hard.

"Thirteen dollars, Early," Dan muttered, lifting him even higher and pulling his arms farther apart as he ogled the suckers.  "And I won't tell anyone that you have _this_ instead of a dick."  He let go of the arm in his right hand and gripped one closer to Early's front instead-- the one slightly larger than the others, which Dan could now tell was the modified one.

" _L-let go of that!_ " gasped Early, squirming more wildly than ever.

"You see, I've learned something about your. . . anatomy," Dan went on, unperturbed, as he squeezed the arm slightly.  "Just think about it for a minute.  How many times have _you_ gotten to have sex in the past, oh, twenty years?"

Early rolled his eyes and opened his mouth.

"Where you didn't have to pay for it," Dan interrupted.

Early frowned, thought for a minute, then opened his mouth again.

"And where your partner didn't laugh at you for not having. . . standard equipment."

Frown.  Squint.

" _And_ where she satisfied. . . this."  Dan gave his modified arm another squeeze.

Early's eyes widened slightly.

Dan waited.

"One," Early finally muttered, his voice barely audible.

"One," Dan repeated significantly.  "So in all that time, you've found _one_ person who accepted it?"

"Uh, well. . . ."  Early scratched the back of his head self-consciously with one of his free arms.  "I can't rightly say she _ax-cepted_ it. . . seein' as how Rusty came as such a su-prise and all, she prolly didn't even notice, but--"  He broke off and twisted to look back at Dan belligerently.  "Damn you, it ain't none of yer business no-how!"

Dan gave a self-satisfied smile as he looked down into the squid's glaring eyes.  He hadn't intended to take this tack at all-- but damned if it weren't working beautifully.

"Early, who else is going to pay _you_ for it, for a change. . . and who else is going to do _this_?"  He held Early up by the arm in his left hand and began slowly pumping the modified arm with his right.

Early's blue-green face flushed and the glare vanished from his widening eyes.  "Don't _do_ tha-- nnngh!"  He turned his face away from Dan, now dangling limply from one arm, motionless except for a slightly trembling of his suckers. . . until he began to thrust his modified arm in and out of Dan's fist.

Dan immediately clamped his fist down around the arm.  "Well?"

" _Damn_ you, go on an' bone me!" Early cried.  "Jest don't stop doin' _that_!"

Dan couldn't resist a crow of victory.  He had (as usual) gotten what he wanted: he was going to fuck Early Cuyler, and he had gotten Early to _agree_ to it.  (In the back of Dan's mind, there was the nagging thought that fucking Early Cuyler was not exactly the acme of evil genius, but hey, not _all_ plans could be brilliant.)

He leaned back against the front of his desk, bracing himself as he pressed the squid to his groin.  Once he felt the sensation of those suckers against his skin, he barely remembered to start pumping Early's arm again.  Each sucker moved separately from all the others, pulling at the flesh of his abdomen, cock, and scrawny legs as Early squirmed against him nervously.  One thing was for sure; this _was_ going to be a very unique experience.

Dan ground his cock against Early's underside, first experimentally then with more force and a stifled groan.  Early gave an affronted squawk on which he choked as Dan pulled hard on his arm, massaging the squirming appendage between his fingertips.  The squid's protests faded back to moans; the sound of his usually petulant twang being reduced to desperate whimpers made Dan's stiffening cock go almost fully hard.  He was driving Early crazy, and it was payback for the years Early had spent pissing Dan off with his stupidity, his constant frustration of Dan's schemes, his persistence in surviving any- and everything Dan threw at him.

That's when it struck Dan: _that_ was why he wanted to fuck Early.  It was for revenge-- and of all the copious amounts of revenge Dan had taken on others over the years, this was going to be the sweetest.  With a triumphant moan, he tried to thrust into Early, only to be met with surprising resistance as the squid tensed up apprehensively.

"Relax!" Dan growled, tugging on Early's arms in an attempt to spread them.  He finally resorted to catching the tip of the modified one in his teeth in order to grasp a third one in his right hand, enabling him to expose the squid's underside completely.  Early gasped as Dan bit down on his arm then he groaned and tried to thrust it deeper into Dan's mouth.

"Mmpgh!" Dan protested; giving a blowjob (or the equivalent, anyway) to Early wasn't part of the plan.  It made him far too submissive, indicated a loss of control. . . and felt entirely too good; the sensation of the arm's suckers on his tongue was exquisite.  Dan moaned around the arm, probing the suckers tentatively with his tongue as he felt Early's underside relax against him.

Oh well, he didn't get this far in life without being adaptable.  Trying not to think about where the arm might have been, Dan sucked on it harder as he thrust against the squid once more.  This time, between Early's distraction and the growing amount of Dan's precum, there was hardly any resistance at all, and he felt the head of his cock sink into the squid's body.

"Nnngh!" Early groaned, tensing around Dan before relaxing again and driving his arm even farther into Dan's mouth.  For an instant, Dan was distracted from that by the feeling of Early around him: hot and slick and tighter than he ever would have imagined.  But then Early gave another, harder thrust with his arm, and Dan gagged, his eyes watering as the arm's tip hit the back of his throat.  That made Dan forget all about the bliss his cock was experiencing; he drew his head back and bit down on the arm to prevent Early from choking him with it.  Early squealed at the bite, his arm twitching in Dan's mouth and his body contracting around the head of his cock.

_You're **my** bitch,_ Dan thought as he gripped the two arms harder in his hands. _Not the other way around!_   To punctuate the unvoiced declaration, he thrust deeper into the squid, feeling Early's body give way as Dan's shaft disappeared into it.  Early moaned and squirmed as he was impaled, drawing away from Dan as much as the grip on his arms would allow-- then, to Dan's amazement, gripping Halen's sides with his free arms and pulling himself closer again, taking Dan's cock deeper.

Early _liked_ it.  Dan's mouth twisted into a grin around the squid's arm, and he thrust his hips forward, burying the rest of his cock into Early's body.  Early gave another wordless cry, clenching up around the length of Dan's cock in a vice-like grip then relaxing slightly.  The two arms on Dan's sides pushed back against him then tightened their hold again, moving Early up and down on Dan's cock.

It felt incredible.  Dan gripped Early's arms and used them to tug him farther away then pull him sharply back as Dan rocked his hips forward, plunging deep into Early's body.  He repeated the motion in time to Early's own efforts, resulting after a moment in an almost-perfect rhythm.  Early tried to thrust his modified arm in Dan's mouth, managing to push it in another inch until Dan clamped his teeth down on it even harder.  The squid gave a sharp groan and thrashed the tip of his arm in Dan's mouth instead as Dan sucked on it.

Dan braced his back against the desk as they moved faster and harder, until Early was nearly a blue-green blur giving Dan's cock what was quite possibly the greatest pleasure of his considerably long life.  Nothing before had ever felt quite so tight yet so yielding, so intensely hot, so. . . so wet.  Glancing down, Dan saw the cause of that last sensation: ink was leaking from Early's body, running down Dan's shaft whenever it emerged and dripping onto his rather expensive flooring.  _Dammit,_ he thought distantly, then shoved the concern out of his mind for the time being.  The hot, moist sensation of the ink inside Early, along with the liquid sound it made as Dan fucked him, was well worth the trouble of cleaning up afterwards.

Dan clenched his fists over the two arms he held and plowed Early as forcefully as he could, reveling in the squid's moans and completely unaware that he was moaning just as loudly.  The two arms at Dan's sides gripped him tightly, and he felt another curl itself around his leg as Early used it to propel himself up and down on Dan's cock.  Early seemed to have an almost unending supply of arms, for after a moment, Dan was aware of two more tangling in his hair, tugging on it sharply.

If Early could pull, Dan decided, so could he.  He yanked on the arms in his hands, pulling them as far apart as he could and spreading Early's underside so that Dan could see every motion of his cock as it moved in and out of the squid's body.  He was distracted by that intriguing sight for a moment before he jerked his head back as well, pulling hard on Early's modified arm and digging his teeth into it.

"Awww _fuck_ yeah!" Early screeched abruptly, his whole body shuddering as his suckers suddenly wrenched at the flesh on Dan's side and legs.  The squid then pulled Dan's hair so hard, Halen's eyes watered a second time.  He bit down even harder in response and slammed his cock deep into Early's body.  Early seemed to get tighter and tighter, riding Dan and yanking his hair almost frantically while Dan took him.  Dan finally realized why when Early began to shudder and the arm in Dan's mouth throbbed.

"Nnngh, y-you-- fuckin'  sonuvva bitch--" Early groaned through his teeth as he clamped down around Dan's cock.  "Y-you're gonna make me--"  
  
Dan drew back until all but the head of his cock emerged from Early's underside.  He lifted his teeth from Early's arm just long enough to roar, " _Do it!_ ", then he bit down again and drove back in until his shaft was completely buried again.

Early gave a wordless shriek and clenched around Dan again, this time not letting up as he shuddered against Halen's abdomen.  His arm twitched then after a moment, Dan found his mouth flooded with something wet but vaguely solid at the center-- not ordinary cum, he realized, but what must be lubricant-coated spermatophores.  Dan might have had time to be disgusted if his cock hadn't been about to explode; as it was, he spit the mess to one side and bit down on Early's arm again.  He could barely move his cock inside the tight grip of Early's spasming body, but he managed a few more short thrusts, fucking Early through his orgasm.  His efforts in combination with the bite to the squid's arm earned him another squeal from Early followed by an even harder clench around his cock.

"A-aahh!" Dan moaned in ecstasy around Early's arm as his cock throbbed in the squid's body.  Dan gripped Early's other arms and twitched his hips forward a final time as he started to come in the hardest orgasm he could ever remember feeling.  The world around him dimmed, and he was aware of nothing, not even the arm now twitching limply in his mouth, except for the feeling of Early quivering around his cock as he shot into the squid's body.  Dan's whole body shook with each wave of his orgasm, punctuated with sharp moans that only became audible to him as the climax faded and the reality of the situation sank in.

He, Dan Halen, had just fucked Early Cuyler.

He had come harder than ever before in his life, moaning like something out of a bad porno, no less.

And unless he wanted everyone in the county to find out about it, he would have to clean up the ungodly mess on the floor himself.

Dan slumped back against his desk, breathing heavily as he pulled Early off of his softening cock.  As Dan pulled out, a torrent of mixed ink and cum spilled onto the floor, making him groan inwardly.  _Next time, I'm getting some rubber sheets,_ he thought then promptly dropped Early's arms out of suddenly numb hands .  _"Next time"?  What the fuck am I thinking?_

"Shit!" Early swore, catching himself by Dan's hair before he hit the ground.  "Least you could do is set me down nice.  I ain't gonna be able to walk right fer a week as it is!"  He braced himself on Dan's stomach-- dripping ink and cum on it in the process-- and twisted around to glare up at Halen belligerently.

"Get off," Dan growled, shoving at Early.  The squid glowered at him and hopped down, landing on the wet floor with a painful-sounding smack.

" _Owww_ , motherfuck!" Early groaned, rubbing at his underside with an arm.

"And clean yourself up before you leave the building!" Dan snapped.  "If anyone sees you like this--"

"I ain't gonna let no one see me," Early retorted.  "They'd think I's one a' them hom-o-sex'uls or somethin'."  He stared up at Dan, back to his usual flat-lidded expression.  "So where's my thirteen dollars?"

Dan grumbled and turned away from him, wondering bleakly if there were a mop in the vicinity.  "You'll get your paycheck at the end of the week, just like always," he muttered.  There were no absorbent cleaning products to be hand, so he resorted to wiping himself off with a handful of tissues and leaving the rest for later.  
  
"Wait jest a minute; you didn't say nothin' about waitin' 'til the end of no week!" Early snapped, squelching a couple feet towards Dan and leaving a fading trail of ink in his wake.  "I want my money _now,_ or else I ain't workin' overtime fer you _no more_."

"You moronic cephalopod, I never said I'd give it to you tonight--"  Dan broke off as he considered Early's words.  He slowly turned back to face the squid once more (after retracting himself-- no sense in being unnecessarily immodest).  

". . . You mean you're willing to. . . work overtime in the future?" Dan asked, looking down at Early suspiciously.

The squid's eyes widened slightly as if he hadn't really considered the import of his threat, then he averted them.  "Uh. . . yeah."  The mistrustful gaze returned to Dan as Early added grumpily, " _If_ 'n you pay me this here overtime ever' time.   'Cos I ain't no faggot or nothin'."

_No, you just come when I blow you and put my dick in you_ , Dan thought, some of his earlier smugness returning.

"All right, fine, I'll pay you now," he said aloud, turning away from Early and going around his desk to rummage in the drawer.  He found a twenty and returned to the squid, holding it out.  "Here."

Early looked at it warily, then back up at Dan.  "You said it ain't but thirteen.  Is this one a' them cash advances where you gimme money now, an' I'm s'posed to pay it back later, only you charge me fifty _per-_ cent int'rest, but I don't care 'cos I ain't gon' never pay it back no-how?"

"No, it's. . . I don't have change," Dan grumbled.  "Just take it."  _So I guess this officially makes Early Cuyler my whore,_ Dan thought as Early darted out an arm and snatched the bill away.  The very perversity of the realization made it appealing.

"Woo!" Early whooped after grabbing the money, giving his usual celebratory hop in the air.  He started for the door but paused and looked back at Dan when he reached it.  "Hey, I gotta come in tomorrah?  This-here overtime done wore me out; I deserve a day off!"

"Yes, you have to come in tomorrow!" Dan snapped.  "My products aren't going to test themselves, you know!"

Early glowered at him.  "You damn well tested yer product on me enough already!"  And then, to Dan's amazement, the corner of the squid's mouth twitched in a half-grin.  "It works purty well."  He reached up an arm to open the door then squelched out, slamming it behind him.

Dan trudged around his desk and slumped down in his chair.  He was physically exhausted, leading him to decide that it would be easier to go pick (and later kill) a Sheriff to clean up the mess than to do it himself.  _I'll tell him it was a crime scene_ , Dan decided, leaning back and closing his eyes.

Then he remembered the stack of photocopies in his desk drawer.  Grumbling, Dan sat up again and pulled them out then heaved himself to his feet.  Giving the pool of liquid on the floor a wide berth, he went into the copy room and dropped the stack in the trash can-- but only after setting the top copy aside.  He looked at it a moment, then folded it up and carried it with him as he walked thoughtfully towards the elevator.

_This might prove useful some day_ , Dan thought as he rode to the ground floor and left the building on his way to the Sheriff patch.  Who knew when he might need blackmail material on Early, especially if the squid continued. . . working overtime.

At any rate, Dan doubted he'd be getting bored again anytime soon.

\--

The End


End file.
